Well lets write a post whilst I’m a flurry of interesting emotions.

My Exam Results Are Back and in a nutshell, the exams I expected to do well in I didn’t, and vice versa. I now have an A in AS Maths, after my C2 retake when from a 76 to a 97. (So scores are 81/97/81). Hooray! I then got 84 in C3 (should’ve done better…) and 77 in D1 (FFS, I hate D1!! It’s also my only B…) meaning I need 60 in C4 for an A (although I’m retaking C1 considering it’s the easiest exam AND the lowest of my Core modules…). Economics I got 95 which was not expected, I mean, I was pretty confident I got full marks for everything apart from my first essay, which I was convinced would come back a U (the essay I wrote was just…odd). Anyway, I’m sure that cost me the five UMS I lost…which I’m pretty sure was only 4 raw marks. Oh and Politics I got a 67. So I pretty much cried at that result, despite my ‘over-achievement’ in everything else. Still, my whole class managed to bomb (3 Us, 2 Cs, 1 B and the remainder Ds and Es) as did the chief examiner’s class, so basically it’s all going for a remark. It’s not the mark I’m that upset about (I need 73 in my next module for an A) more the fact that what I wrote sure as hell was not C grade standard. I’m convinced the examiner was a retard, who simply didn’t know what we were talking about. Whatever. I’m capable of an A* in Politics, and that’s whats shit about the grade as well, but I’m on target for one in Economics which was always the goal anyway.

I Got Rejected from LSE which was long overdue really. I wanted a rejection because I knew Sheffield was the place for me, but alas, an impromptu check of UCAS on the boyf’s iPod before he is about to leave for his lesson, and when he saw the Unsuccessful he said “Well…I’m not gonna go to History.” Instead we sort of mulled over the life plan, as I ended up pretty emotional about it. It wasn’t about the decision for me, more about the fact that they took five and half months about it, and I’ve not really been good enough for anything in my life. “So close, yet so far.” Although, the fact I have said boy is probably a sign my luck is changing, and even though it’s only really been two weeks, the fact that someone is there for me unconditionally and generally likes everything about me (except for the self-deprecation, which he plans to erase!) is sort of the glimmer of hope that is making my world right now. I was always going to firm Sheffield, but because my grades currently sit at A*AA, I could re-apply to SOAS next year, because the course is better than Sheffield’s. It was always the plan if I got AAA to re-apply next year, but I’m not really sure whether to stick with it. I suppose I’ve still got time to mull it over, I’ve done what needs to be done for now, I’ll reassess everything when I get my results.

There is a boy and he’s just amazing. We actually prevent each other from functioning in that we seem to be far too smitten and thus our productivity levels have completely dropped, however he’s made me the happiest I think I’ve ever been, which as Baldy says “is ironic, as now you’re more confident more guys will like you.” Aha, whatever. He’s just amazing, although our Economics lessons together are rather torturous considering self-restraint is not one of my strengths…

Can’t really think of that much else. Went to see my friends play at Louisiana and they were pretty ace. My friend’s eighteenth next Friday, I sorta need to get a lot of work done this week and then chillout a bit more. Whatever. Life is good.

Here’s a summary of this last month:

Went to Washington DC and it snowed. A lot of things were closed, was a bit crazy. Loved the weather though and spent some time with amazinggg people, bought Juicy Couture and (lots of) Abercrombie & Fitch, and realised I am still far too poor for any more Betsey Johnson

Went to Sheffield University, pretty epiccc. Pretty much set on going there. It’s so indie it’s perfect. Too many bars, too many cheap drinks, epic accommodation, a PolSoc that goes to Amsterdam (messyyyy!) and a damn good department. They changed my offer too, so I really wanna firm it (but can’t…yet).

Also went up to York University. It was interesting, met a guy who lives literally like twenty minute drive away and was on my train and we had lunch. Met a posh boy who I got the vibe he felt I was unworthy talking to him, because I didn’t own half of Oxford. The university had a nice feel to it but on the whole, too dull. It’s not somewhere I could spent a fulfilling three years and the department isn’t particularly strong either.

Um, last few weeks I’ve kissed someone old and kissed someone new. I’m also not single anymore. Rejoice! Lets hope he works out and that he gets an offer from King’s College London to do Law, which he doesn’t even want to do anymore, but he still spends far too much time checking Ucas to the point I have to drag him away from WiFi areas :’)

Playlist is a-coming. And January exam results come on the 11th March, expect me to pretty much break down due to my Economics score (and probably all the others too, eep)

You know the track. I’ll be surprised if that doesn’t surpass my play count for “Falling Down” by Space Cowboy this time next year.

Still slacking. But I’ve now got three A’s in a row for Economics mock exams. I probably should stop insulting my Politics teacher, I feel guilty calling him both a bastard and a fascist to his face. I forget words offend people.

As for lifeeeeee, I’ve been thrown off course by somebody “unexpected” - playing my cards “intentionally careless” if that makes sense. I’m not expecting much, but I do really hope it works out. I’m not risking my emotions as I usually do, if this year has taught me anything it’s I should not regret the choices I make but keep my guard up too. I give far too many second chances to people who wrong me (I’m like a doormat, seriously) and I always say “it’s the final straw” but I believe that people change for the better and when someone makes an effort to earn my trust/respect again it’s impossible to say no. I’ll happily hold grudges for those who don’t try and repair/amend when they wrong me; deny it and I’ll punch you in the face.

So I’ve explained before, since the summer I’ve been so miserable, dull and out of myself I’m surprised so many people stuck by me for so long. I’ve found a solid form of happiness in my life but I’m also much more dramatic. I’ve been told people live vicariously through me, and my emotions are always so powerful that it affects everyone around me. So I literally dance in the middle of the street when I’m happy, beam with positive energy. Oh and act gangsta. But when I get angry, everyone around me feels it. When it comes down to it, I just want to be a positive energy on everybody, and that’s what I will be. I have changed, but it’s a good change.

I seem to be the centre of attention for some reason. I’m also dating three people right now, if you believe the rumours, it’s quite flattering. I tried using the “my life is in such a rut” excuse but I got laughed at.

Finally, I seem to have a new university action plan every blog post, so no point stopping here. As long as I get AAB/ABB this year, I go to whichever university will take me. But if I get rejected from LSE and end up with AAA, I take a year out to work/travel the world and reapply to LSE, SOAS and King’s.

…and bought a new lens. I missed zoom so much. It was a significant chunk of money, in fact, nearly as much as the body and the kit lens together. It’s an investment. But that’s the last time I’m spending any money on my SLR for a year at least. I stopped Flickring a while ago and I don’t plan to publish any of my photos any time soon, not that I prolifically take them, but I don’t wish to share any recent pieces of “creativity” with the world.

I’ve also finally added a “content” page of old essays (currently consisting of two; I need to source my handwritten ones that got me full marks…) and the about page; which actually got updated a while ago, and I’ll probably update it yet again soon.

Life is finally getting a bit more interesting; spending more of my free time in the centre with good friends instead of buried in a pile of books. That being said, I plan to do a post consisting of the books I’ve been reading/studying, for knowledge is good. I like knowledge. I’m more positive, optimistic and confident than I have been for the last few months. Finally got two As in Economics essays, I’ve been getting B’s since the start and it’s the only subject I need an A in this year to get me into university. So it gets the majority of my time. Oh and LSE still aren’t talking to me, but I’ve pretty much settled I will be just as happy going to York, or any other of my choices. Except Exeter, they don’t deserve me.