Has now taken four out of five exams. It seems a bit pointless waiting a week to do the “lowdown” so here it is, minus the Economics exam to be taken next Friday.

I am currently, at this very second, being molested to buy a cheeseburger by Yves and Baldy, which is under Yves jumper and he’s stroking it in a rather seductive manner, they actually tried American-accented flirtacious talk in order to sell me it. It’s comical. I said no.

Edexcel Core Two.
Harder exam that I expected, but I was far more prepared than I was in June (missed out ten marks of trigonometry, haha). I only needed 2 extra UMS from last time (76 to 78) to get me an A in AS. Still missed out seven marks worth of questions. I’m pretty confident I got that, if not higher. I just wanted an A in AS Maths certificate to stick on my fridge.

Edexcel Decision One.
I did a lot of Solomon papers/old spec to prep for this exam, which shot my nerves right up. The actual exam was easy, except for the definitions. Is always great when your hardest question is ‘what is a tree.’ The grade boundaries are always beastly for D1 but I’m pretty sure I got an A of some description. Taught Baldy most of the syllabus before we went in and then made a bet with him that I did better, then realised we got all the same answers except he got the definitions and did more thorough working. I won’t pay him even if he does win.

Edexcel Core Three.
I have a feeling this will be my highest UMS score. It was hard exam, but I was fully prepared. I made a few stupid mistakes, but the minimum percentage I will get SHOULD be 80% which is more than enough for an A. So I was happy when I came out. Although I made some criminal mistakes which I want to beat myself up over. But if I could get an A at A-Level Maths…well…that proves there’s hope for anything.

OCR US Government & Politics.
I planned to retake this anyway, because I barely revised for it (C3 was on Wednesday PM, this was Friday AM) and I hadn’t written an essay in three months. I “wung it” (whatever the past tense for ‘winging it’ is)  as best as I could; but the questions weren’t the ones I wanted. I know Presidential Elections inside out and there wasn’t a question on it! I was gutted. For that reason alone I may retake. My essays weren’t as strong as my AS ones I don’t think, but then again I barely remember what I put. I need a 70% average this year. I think I may have earnt that, but I honestly don’t know.

Anyway, I have lots of Economic revision to do.

It’s been a pretty good week on the whole. Let’s try and tell a tale with photos.

First thing to arrive through the door. Squee! Indiepop 09 mix from Rough Trade. I don’t have a working CD drive at the moment (silly Macbook) so it’s on rotation in the old boombox. It’s really really good.

There’s the tracklist. The highlight for me was Hopelessly Wasted by Shrag, followed closely by The Punks Are Writing Love Songs by Tullycraft (which has a nearly identical opening riff to Mandy by Jonas Brothers…) and (naturally) You!Me!Dancing! by Los Campesinos!

Then the thing I was most excited about. Cooking Cleaning and Flower Arranging by Manic Street Preachers. Limited to 300 copies. And then….

Garrr, red ink marks. There’s been a lot of problems with them according to the forums - mostly bad packaging and red ink. Have emailed Rough Trade to see if I can get a replacement, although I’m sure they will sell out by the time they get back to me.

After my Decision Maths exam (which was surprisingly…enjoyable?) I went for a drive with my friend from Durham University before he goes back. He taught me life lessons; like the value of university pre-lashes on the wallet, what to drink/what not to drink and most importantly, raiding Sainsbury’s for clearance CDs  = good stuff. [Top one is a David Gray album]. The one of the left is making my ears bleed right now, although getting home and putting on ‘Paris to Berlin’ was pretty priceless. I don’t he’ll ever let me in his car again because he bought me cookies and they were crunchy and I got crumbs everywhere. He also lost a £2 bet because he thought I didn’t know the company of my local petrol station. Dork.

Then…as if life couldn’t get any better…

Yay! Foreign Policy Magazine! I must’ve paid for the subscription months ago (and by I, I mean using my father’s funds) and it’s finally came. Half way through reading it at the moment. Has thrown a spanner in the works in the whole revision weekend shebang. Speaking of which…

My desk has seen better days…

The journal has taken away any need to write personal bullshit. In a nutshell, life events have been good but emotions haven’t. “Lashed” out (in the lightest possible way) at Baldy, luckily he’ll never hold anything against me. Thank the world for great friends. And eating McDonalds and playing music before exams together, and then turning up late. We are silly.

I’ve privatised the “emo” posts. That was doing nobody favours, particularly because I felt like I had vent my frustration and painting a negative image of someone who means a lot to me. That’s not something that I should publicise; and I doubt anyone actually read it but it detailed one of the many inner conflicts I have. It didn’t make interesting reading and most of all, it exaggerated everything. Alas, there are inner demons which will stay…inner.

I got a (rather) belated Christmas present, which consisted of an assortment of things, one of which was a diary. I haven’t had a diary since I was twelve, and oh do I cringe. Seriously, horrific, pathetic, oh dear I don’t know why it hasn’t been burnt. And initially I thought I have no use for a diary; all my important events I sync between iPod and iCal. But it’s a really nice diary, it’s one of those Paperchase buttery softcover ones, and it’s a pretty shade of pink. Diaries you can’t dawdle with, as you know they are going to expire. Anyway, after some initial doubts, it’s now going to be my journal. Today I was thinking how pointless that would be, and how entries would be consistently one of the following: “I am happy/I am sad/I am revising.” And then in a fit of anger/confusion; I wrote a page in it. Obviously things I would never let anyone else read Baldy made me read it to him, and he will probably be the only one who will ever get to. And then linking back to the posts I’d just privatised; there is drama in my life. There always is. I just don’t express it anymore, because once upon a time I had an overtly honest blog but then people found out about what I’d wrote about them (not that I tried to keep it quiet anyway) and I got smeared as a bitch (for about a day, admittedly). There is such a thing as saying too much, but I’ll see if I can write something every day.

I’m also attempting to write a second ’story.’ The last story I wrote was GCSE English coursework, which I frequently lament about how awful it was whenever it mentioned, but it was only written in a few weeks. Essentially my writings are me trying to describe a sequence of snapshots. I judge how good the work is over how vividly I can remember the original snapshot. And that’s what that story was - a sequence of snapshots that ended up amalgamated into some sort of twisted plot that no-one but myself will ever understand. And it’s all “semi-autobiographical;” I take elements of myself, the people around me and the songs I listen to, and exaggerate them. The characters are also one-dimensional, there’s never any moral story or silver-lining. There’s never any dialogue. It’s just me, trying to expand on an inner persona or ‘desire’ that I have in a fictional character in a world moulded around them.

So the first snapshot of this one is currently being written. Very slowly. I’m lucky, because it hasn’t left my mind for days, and I feel like I have time to really develop it. I have a perfect title (which I won’t reveal as I’m tempted to buy it as my next domain name) and the main character is all formulated; or at least the element of my character which I’m throwing into it. I plan to write this over a number of years. I want to travel the world/visit places/meet people/read widely to get inspiration. It’s like a concept story. To me, it will be a piece of artwork. And I plan to litter it with academia I learn, such as philosophy and political theory. I want to see if I can weave something seemingly vain and typical, with deeper ideas which don’t form anything concrete. Now that I think about it, it loosely resembles a plot that I started a number of years ago (and never finished, clearly) so I might dig that up adapt it, or I might delete it from my mind and concentrate on what I have in front of me. It does seem like I’m making a big deal about nothing, but it’s one of those things that I feel like I’ve been ‘meant’ to do for years. I won’t set myself a time limit but I’d like to have it done a few years down the line.

EDIT: After a long phone conversation with Baldy, he read some of his journal. He writes great little philosophies. One of them was “Hello Journal. Journal, is such a manly word…so much manlier than diary. It’s like wallet is to purse, it’s of those words that just makes us feel much more manly.” It’s quite true, that was just brilliance.

Woo new year. WOOOOOOOOOOO. I woke up early this morning to break the RIDICULOUS 3am-12pm sleep pattern I’ve got going on. Spent the morning raiding the house for a working AA battery to put in my mouse (Logitech VX Revolution for the nerds…ooooh it’s a fiend). I tried at least TEN ones that were flat, going up and down stairs each time. New year, new problems. Hardy-hah.

So time to erase as much of last year from my mind. 2010 is going to be an amazing year for me, no question. January well be hell, slaving through exams and whatnot. I want As, damnit. It won’t happen. Decision is going to be my worst exam, I’m telling you. Prim, Kruskal, Dijsktra, Anonymous Chinese Postman…no. Just no.  Core 3 should go alright, as will Core 2 as long is there isn’t a question on circles. Politics should be the least of my worries, but I’m kinda going for an A*. Same with Economics. Oh and I’ve written half my English coursework in a day. Yeah. As long as it’s above a D I’m content.

Oh, look at me, rambling about my exams. Anyway as for future plans, I’m going to Washington DC in February which I would be excited about except (a) I’m not keen on flying for longer than about five hours; and (b) the whole failed terrorist attack means extra security which means I’m at odds to whether an SLR will get seized. Then to York and Sheffield Universities. LSE will also have to reply to my application this year; I’ll admit, it will be an inconvenience if I get rejected because I’d have to send begging letters to Sheffield asking for a very late course change.

And basically, in ten months time I’m either going to be starting at university OR on the best gap year of my life. Plan is, full-time work for about four months, Open University introductory social science course, summer in Hong Kong University, reading IR course texts, language classes (either French or Mandarin) and remember how to do graphics design. It’s irritating that with the next government coming this year (and the sad truth is, we all know who the PM will be) tuition fees will rise, which makes me reluctant to defer my university entry if I do get an offer. C’est la vie. I may just suck it up and be in the extra debt, I suppose a year to remember would be worth it.

So I don’t do this “resolution” thing. Well I’m lying, I do. I have some great ones from when I was a hyperactive 14-year-old feminist; “no more insensitive lying fuckwits who are so effeminate yet vulgar…” I forget the rest but OH MY GOD I WAS SO HILARIOUS. Yeah well, this is a “to-do” list almost.

1. Stop Swearing. Or at least cut back. I will regret this. I think I should stop using the c-word though, I have got into trouble for that. To me, it will always be “just a word” and the greatest insult to mutter under your breath. Alas, I have an icky personality I should shake off.

2. Get my Left Anti-Tragus Pierced. I regret not getting this sooner actually, because the longer I’ve waited the more scared I am. Just pinching my anti-tragus hurts like a bitch. But I will get it, I will SCREAM in pain and not be able to sleep on my left side for a year, but it’ll be worth it as it will look sweet  with my 14G (1.6mm yeah, I’m THAT hardcore) lobe piercing.

3. Sing A Song For Somebody. I’ve written about my Friday afternoons in the piano room, and how it has inspired me to sing again. But confidence is something which will take most of the year to gain. I will do it eventually though. Hopefully to someone who never has to see me again!

4. Not Buy Any Black Clothes. Because getting called a closet goth kinda sucks, even in jest. I did have the phase though, oh didn’t we all - copious black liquid eyeliner, Murderdolls & Emily strange t-shirt and battered black Converse (because my parents would disown me if I ever wore New Rocks). But a lot of my clothes are really plain as well, because I’m not confident to be crazy. We’ll see how this one turns out.

5. Have A Ridiculously Messy Night. Because I haven’t had one in a loooooong time And I don’t just mean half a bottle of vodka or whatever I mean getting MESSED. You know what I mean. I’ll just avoid the Class As.

6. Have an Amazing Christmas. The plan is to be in Hong Kong next Christmas which I’m SUPER excited about because I love HK and also because they don’t really celebrate Christmas, which means you avoid all the pallavah you get in this country with Boxing Day sales/endless bank holidays etc. I’m not a very festive person so that does me good. It would be my first Christmas abroad if it happens which would be lovely.

7. Redesign This Website. The domain expires in September and I have no plans to renew it. I’ll make something bigger and better. It’ll probably take a summer or so, because I’ve forgotten how to code/use Photoshop but I will try and invest as much time as I possibly can. I’m doing a bit of photomanipulation here and there so we’ll see what comes of this over the summer.

All right, well, I should retreat back into Coursework/Revision land. And I don’t plan to blog for a while, I became all prolific over Christmas holidays but that’s over now. I NEED to avoid failure in these exams, I know I can do it, I just need confidence and LOTS MORE READING. I’m also reading “An Open World: The Truth About Globalisation” by Phillipe LeGrain, which is a bit dated I must admit but I am truly fascinated by the globalisation debate and IR theory (I do plan to study it for at least three years) AND it’s helping me with my Economics/Politics revision (when words like ‘deregulation’ and ‘Ralph Nader’ come up I smile, what a nerd).