I got called a closet goth.
I was told I was scary
intelligent, attractive
self-deprecating, silly.

It means nothing when you achieved ninety-percent in a C3 mock paper.
I’ve fallen in love with core maths.
It means little in terms of skill though, luck was on my side.
I got 82% in the C2 paper, but that means little because it was my ACTUAL paper in June thus I’ve now done it twice.
How one does better in C3 than C2 is beyond me.
Still can’t do Decision either. I don’t know whats wrong with me. Nothing but Core makes sense anymore.
Hell yeah with that rhyme.

I bought the new t.A.T.u. album despite listening to the Russian version of it for over a year, it’s the best English counterpart they’ve made, but conceptually and musically Waste Management and Happy Smiles are so much better to anything they’ve done before. The Transcendent version was interesting, but in hindsight a waste of £7.99 and the “dirty” feeling every time I purchase music from iTunes. It was nice idea, but the overpowering synthy semi-industrial fillers don’t make the transitions between songs smooth enough. I was hoping for something more consistent and subtle.

There are plenty of albums I’m looking forward to next year: The Like, Los Campesinos!, Vampire Weekend, Fleet Foxes, Maroon5, LCD Soundsystem, (We Are) Performance, The Ark, Dream Evil (fingers crossed!), The Dollyrots, Girlicious, Heidi Montag, She Wants Revenge…
This year had some good offerings, I’m loving 30 Seconds To Mars’s new album despite pretty much despising their last offering and thinking they were an awful band. New stuff = epic. Lady GaGa is just amazing, that goes without saying. Tegan & Sara and Phoenix were also bloody brilliant. Lenka, Manic Street Preachers, La Roux, The King Blues, Kelly Clarkson, Ashley Tisdale…there’s probably more. Infected Mushroom should go on here too but I’ve had their newest album for months but have yet to listen to it, which is just shameful. I just can’t stop listening to Vicious Delicious!

Song of 2009 has to be Falling Down by Space Cowboy it’s been my ringtone for at least six months with nearly 300 plays and I’m not even remotely sick of it. I think the ability to lust after Space Cowboy and Chelsea Korka in the video simultaneously does help.

Nom.

You know the track. I’ll be surprised if that doesn’t surpass my play count for “Falling Down” by Space Cowboy this time next year.

Still slacking. But I’ve now got three A’s in a row for Economics mock exams. I probably should stop insulting my Politics teacher, I feel guilty calling him both a bastard and a fascist to his face. I forget words offend people.

As for lifeeeeee, I’ve been thrown off course by somebody “unexpected” - playing my cards “intentionally careless” if that makes sense. I’m not expecting much, but I do really hope it works out. I’m not risking my emotions as I usually do, if this year has taught me anything it’s I should not regret the choices I make but keep my guard up too. I give far too many second chances to people who wrong me (I’m like a doormat, seriously) and I always say “it’s the final straw” but I believe that people change for the better and when someone makes an effort to earn my trust/respect again it’s impossible to say no. I’ll happily hold grudges for those who don’t try and repair/amend when they wrong me; deny it and I’ll punch you in the face.

So I’ve explained before, since the summer I’ve been so miserable, dull and out of myself I’m surprised so many people stuck by me for so long. I’ve found a solid form of happiness in my life but I’m also much more dramatic. I’ve been told people live vicariously through me, and my emotions are always so powerful that it affects everyone around me. So I literally dance in the middle of the street when I’m happy, beam with positive energy. Oh and act gangsta. But when I get angry, everyone around me feels it. When it comes down to it, I just want to be a positive energy on everybody, and that’s what I will be. I have changed, but it’s a good change.

I seem to be the centre of attention for some reason. I’m also dating three people right now, if you believe the rumours, it’s quite flattering. I tried using the “my life is in such a rut” excuse but I got laughed at.

Finally, I seem to have a new university action plan every blog post, so no point stopping here. As long as I get AAB/ABB this year, I go to whichever university will take me. But if I get rejected from LSE and end up with AAA, I take a year out to work/travel the world and reapply to LSE, SOAS and King’s.

I am hopeless.

I am seriously going to fail my Decision Maths exam because I have forgotten all the algorithms and just general common sense, I cannot formulate a US Politics essay to save my life (even with a textbook right in front of me) and I have English coursework that needs to be done over Christmas and FUCK THIS.

There are also SO many social things going down over the Christmas break and I’ve been in such good spirits lately I really would regret it if I missed any of them…but I will fail.

On the plus side, I seem to be understanding Core 3 and Economics although saying that means I will fail both of them.

I now regret slacking so much of my time last week, despite it being so positive. I use “regret” loosely because I’m trying this thing where I’m regretting nothing because I “regret too much.” At least when I was unhappy/stressed I got work done. Now I’m failing but somewhat content.
Don’t ask, I’m a barrel of emotions at the best of times.
Summary:

Social Side: 8/10; Happiness: 9/10; Confidence: 7/10; Confidence to Pass Exams: 0.

…and bought a new lens. I missed zoom so much. It was a significant chunk of money, in fact, nearly as much as the body and the kit lens together. It’s an investment. But that’s the last time I’m spending any money on my SLR for a year at least. I stopped Flickring a while ago and I don’t plan to publish any of my photos any time soon, not that I prolifically take them, but I don’t wish to share any recent pieces of “creativity” with the world.

I’ve also finally added a “content” page of old essays (currently consisting of two; I need to source my handwritten ones that got me full marks…) and the about page; which actually got updated a while ago, and I’ll probably update it yet again soon.

Life is finally getting a bit more interesting; spending more of my free time in the centre with good friends instead of buried in a pile of books. That being said, I plan to do a post consisting of the books I’ve been reading/studying, for knowledge is good. I like knowledge. I’m more positive, optimistic and confident than I have been for the last few months. Finally got two As in Economics essays, I’ve been getting B’s since the start and it’s the only subject I need an A in this year to get me into university. So it gets the majority of my time. Oh and LSE still aren’t talking to me, but I’ve pretty much settled I will be just as happy going to York, or any other of my choices. Except Exeter, they don’t deserve me.