It’s New Year’s Eve. It’s also the end of a decade. I’ve already elaborated this years’ experiences in a previous post and frankly, I’m glad it’s over. It’s certainly been eventful, dramatic and fucked-up year; but that’s how I like my life. I’ve come out the other side thereabouts.

To remember the year, I’ve made my second playlist. The first playlist never got posted here because it consisted of really obscure remixes that weren’t on Spotify and laziness prevented me from re-tagging songs/zipping them/uploading them. It’s far better than this one, but I only had to compromise on a few songs which weren’t Spotifiable (that should be a verb if there ever was one).

Link to Joanna’s Playlist

The overarching theme was “an obscure album to dance to.”  So I avoiding using my obvious pop favourites and filled it with indie-pop and electro; with some darkwave and psytrance for good measure. When trying to make it into some form of nice order, I ended up feeling there were three distinct “phases,” which could just be down to me reading lots of Thomas Hardy poetry.

Phase I: Intensify

1. Vandals - (We Are) Performance
I adore We Are Performance. As an opener it works brilliantly. Pretty metaphors on a fuzzy little beat, oh so emotional.

2. Somebody Told Me (Mylo Remix) - The Killers
My  first dose of “let’s take indie and make it danceable.” It came on a compilation CD from Fopp, when Fopp was the original Fopp half way up on Park Street. It cost three pounds. I stopped listening to the original shortly after.

3. Ways To Make It Through a Wall - Los Campesinos!
All Los Campesinos! really remind me of is early morning bus commutes to college throughout September. They would wake me up. The chorus is properly happy ting.

4. Hell - Tegan and Sara
It’s amazing. Oh my God it is. You just want to get up a DANCE. It’s the most infectious Tegan and Sara song EVER. I HOPE CAPS LOCKS ARE EXEMPLIFYING HOW AMAZING IT IS.

5. Lisztomania (Alex Metric Remix) - Phoenix
My favourite song from Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix made better*.
* Subject to time of writing, I frequently change my mind over whether this is indeed superior than the boomting original.

6. Marlon JD - Manic Street Preachers
The Manic Street Preachers don’t make songs to be danced to, and this is the only exception I can think of. Short, sweet, punchy.

Phase II: Synthesize

7. Uprising - Muse
How sexy does Matt Bellamy sound in this one? It’s like the best of “Knights of Cydonia” cut with a hella catchy bassline. I’m falling in love with Muse all over again.

8. Gravity’s Rainbow (Soulwax Remix) - Klaxons
Hate Klaxons. Love Soulwax. This is how the Klaxons probably wanted to sound like, but they aren’t physically capable of doing so. It’s so electric it would blow your mind. Cliche? Fuck you, it’s true.

9. Paris - MSTRKFT
MSTRKFT are Kings. My love for electro-house had to come on here somewhere.

10. Live a Little - (We Are) Performance
I will again emphasise how amazing this band are. This is electro-pop at it’s finest. I want to marry and man with a voice like his. Actually, he’s an author and in a band…maybe I’ll just have him.

11. Heavyweight - Infected Mushroom
I toyed with putting this song on as it totals nearly nine minutes. But this song is like a fucking intense journey in itself it’s worth it. Layers of psytrance with hints of metal. Oh hell yes.

12. Feel it In My Bones - Tiesto & Tegan and Sara
Emotional, powerful, beautiful, epic, stunning. It will make you laugh, smile and cry all at once. It brings shivers to my spine every single time.

Phase III: Diminuendo

13. Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge
This is a compromise because ‘Your Love’ and ‘Save Your Soul’ weren’t on Spotify. Lyrically it’s one of their best. It’s intense, dark, unsettling and brutal.

14. Tell Me It’s Not Over - Starsailor
A rollercoaster of emotions over a powerful piano and guitar melody. This is why I love Starsailor.

15. Love is Dead - The Lovemakers
“When we can’t be lovers, and we can’t be friends.” It’s infectious without being sugar-coated, and if my ears don’t percieve me, there’s a staccato violin in the chorus. Win.

16. Higher Than The Stars - Pains of Being Pure At Heart
The Manics like them. Rough Trade likes them. The vocals are subtle, the melodies - fuzzy. It makes me smile.

17. Geraldine - Glasvegas
It’s such an emotional choon; piercing vocals, beautiful chords, heartfelt lyrics. It nears perfection at moments.

18. Like A Song - Lenka
I recommend Lenka to anyone who likes Regina Spektor, and no-one has complained (yet). The haunting vocals make this song the diamond it is. Yeah, it’s music cliche day, w/e.

19. VCR - The xx
The end to the collection. It’s staggering how such a simple arrangement can sound so splendid.

Happy New Year.

Woohoooooooooooooooooooooo.

Uhhh.

CD Albums Purchased: Twelve, fourteen including downloads.
Expenditure: Uhh, at least a grand and a half.
Books Read: Five.
Friends Lost: Four.
Friends Made: More than four.
Mean AS Module Percentage: 79.54%
Alcohol Unit Consumption: 106 108 (pint of cider consumed mid-blog).
Cancer Sticks : Jan-Sept: Around 400. Sept-Dec: Around 4.
People Made-Out With: Nine.
Sober? Six.
Amount Donated To Charity: More than £50.
Headphone Sets Broken: Six.
Cities Visited: Bath, Birmingham, Bristol, Cambridge, Cardiff, Exeter, London, Milton Keynes, Oxford, Paris, Swindon.
Cinema Trips: Two.

Well the last few posts of this year are going to be me trying to summarise the year. I’ll try and make some more innovative lists over the final week or so, but alas this one is going to be about music.

I remember in 2007 I did my top ten albums, I remember the top three being Infected Mushroom - Vicious Delicious, The Con - Tegan & Sara and Switches’ self-titled debut (I spent ages deciding whether Tee and Ess or Switches deserved to be “the best.”) But this year for me hasn’t been about albums, it’s more about individual songs. I was going to list loads of my favourite songs but that would be stupid, endless and pointless.

At the end of the day, every song I love I associate with a different time in my life, so I’m trying to remember my year through six hundred pages of Last.FM scrobbles and text messages I don’t delete. Usually the songs listed are lyric-appropriate, but they’re definitely associated with that time of my life. I don’t use names so you’ll probably get confused if you actually try to read the whole story but hell, I know what happened and that’s kinda all that matters. Also I find writing about myself in past tense makes me more honest about it all. The stars mean they’re super-duper special; I tried using hearts but Wordpress is shite and didn’t format them.

I may regret revealing all this to the world, but I feel like I am an open book a lot of the time. You can judge me from being too honest, but if you’re reading anything I publish to the internet and expecting not to learn anything about me, well, that’s just backwards.

And Merry Christmas, I started this post a few days ago but it’s currently 1am on Christmas Day and it’s nearing completion. Rage Against The Machine are Christmas number 1, fuck yes. I bought it, and I am proud.

January
A boy I was in love with left my life; the only memory I have is getting off the phone when he told me he was leaving, my ex was waiting for me, and I just fell into his arms and cried; I saw him for the last time and he told me he was engaged for selfish reasons and come back for me in the summer; went on holiday to France with my friends drank a lot of alcohol.

My Life Would Suck Without You - Kelly Clarkson*
“‘Cause we belong together now/You got a piece of me/And honestly/My life would suck without you/Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye/Maybe I was wrong for tryin’ to pick a fight/I know that I’ve got issues, but you’re pretty messed up too/Either way, I found out I’m nothing without you/Being with you is so dysfunctional/I really shouldn’t miss you but I can’t let you go.”
Everybody’s Going To War - Nerina Pallot*
“I’ve got a friend he’s a pure-bred killing machine/he said he’s waited his whole damn life for this/I knew him well when he was seventeen/Now he’s a man he’ll be dead by Christmas.”
Hot N Cold - Katy Perry*
“We fight, we break up/We kiss, we make up /You don’t really wanna stay, no/You don’t really wanna go/I should know that you’re not gonna change…”
You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift
“You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she’s upset/she’s going off about something that you said/cause she doesn’t get your humor like I do/Dreaming of the day I’m hoping you’ll find/What you’ve been looking for has been here the whole time”
Hit Me With Your Best Shot - Pat Benetar
“You’re a real tough cookie/With a long history/Of breaking little hearts like the one in me”
Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) - Journey
“If he ever hurts you /True love won’t desert you/You know I still love you/Though we touched and went our separate ways”
I Know Ur Girlfriend Hates Me - Annie
“Oh stop pretending she’s misunderstood/I heard her saying it’s either me or her/Smell the coffee, boy, and open your eyes”

February, March
He stood me up towards the end of January and he came back without telling me, so I spent a long time feeling very bitter; began liking someone who was way out my league.

Cry For You - September*
“You’ll never see me again/So now who’s gonna cry for you/You’ll never see me again/No matter what you do”
Little Miss Obsessive - Ashlee Simpson
“In the morning, I got in a fight with myself/I got the bruises to prove it/Then I swallowed your words, and spit them right back out/And I guess we’re really over, so come over, I’m not over it/Late night you make me feel like I’m desperate, I’m not desperate”
Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet - Fall Out Boy
“Does your husband know the way that the sunshine gleams from your wedding band? /Well, I will never end up like him/Behind my back, I already am. “
So Close, So Far - Hoobastank
“I miss hearing your laughter/And all the little things/Forgotten what it’s like to hold you/’Cause where I am right now/So unforgiving/It’s numbing everything/We’re so close, yet so far/It’s tearing me apart/What I would do, to be there with you/So promise/No matter how long it takes me to get back to you/You’ll wait for me”
Don’t Let Me Stop You - Kelly Clarkson*
“So I won’t let one more day pass without you explaining what we are/Don’t let me stop you from doin’ what you wanna do/You don’t wanna stick, trust me it’s cool/Take no chance, get over you/If you wanna leave, baby you can leave/Just don’t pretend that you’re into me if it ain’t true”

April
He talked to me online out of the blue being all flirtacious and I insulted his manhood and told him to f-off; went out that night and got very drunk and phoned him being all pleasant (and I’m 99% sure he proposed to me, in a roundabout way) and we both still liked each other but couldn’t get hold of him after that night; regretted that for weeks.
You’re Not Sorry - Taylor Swift
“You don’t have to call anymore/I won’t pick up the phone/This is the last straw/There’s nothing left to beg for/And you can say that you’re sorry/But I don’t believe you baby, /Like I did before/You’re not sorry. ”
What Hurts The Most (Topmodels Remix) - Cascada
“What hurts the most/Was being so close/And having so much to say /And watching you walk away/And never knowing/What could have been/And not seeing that loving you/Is what I was trying to do”
Out of Control - Hoobastank
“I’ve done everything as you say/I’ve followed your rules without question/Cause I don’t know/If I can trust you/I don’t understand what you want from me”
Out from Under - Britney Spears*
“I don’t wanna dream about/All the things that never were/I don’t wanna feel the pain/What good would it do me now?”/Let me feel the space between us grow deeper and much darker everyday”

May
Sorta getting to know this guy who was sweet, attractive but not my type; decided to phone the guy about it and he told me he still wanted me and thus my hope in us was renewed; although in retrospect I will always slightly regret not taking a chance with the other guy, he was a stud after all.
Follow Me - Uncle Kracker*
“I’m not worried bout the ring you wear/Cuz as long as no one knows than nobody can care/You’re feelin guilty and I’m well aware/But you don’t look ashamed and baby I’m not scared”
Again Again - Lady GaGa*
“You’ve gotta a lotta lotta nerve/Coming here when I’m still with him/And I can’t have you, it isn’t fair/And if I had one wish, yeah you’d be it“
Save You - Kelly Clarkson
“We can pretend nothing’s changed/Pretend it’s all the same/And there will be no pain tonight”
Rainy Monday - Shiny Toy Guns*
“I don’t mind/You’re someone who ain’t mine/But someone that I’ll get…/And you don’t know how hard I’ve tried/To convince myself that I can easily forget/But you left this feeling here inside me/One that never fails to find me…”
Long Shot - Kelly Clarkson*
“My heart beat, beats me senselessly/Why’s everything got to be so intense with me?/It’s a long shot and I say why not/If I say forget it I know that I’ll regret it/If I don’t take it there’s no chance/Cuz you’re the best I’ve got”
Believe Again - Niels Brinck
“I’m gonna learn to trust again/And I, I wanna believe in love/I wanna believe in something bigger/Than the two of us”

June, July
Couldn’t get hold if him; threw myself at another guy who got what he wanted and then left; spent a good few weeks feeling used and horrible; got propositioned by a guy in an open relationship which I nearly went into; ended up causing a huge conflict and I erased them from my life, vowing to have a quiet summer.
Falling Down - Space Cowboy*
“This is my life/And people try to shoot me down/put my music on/and most people don’t make a sound/I’m in my own world…”
Number One - Tinchy Stryder
“See I don’t understand how you’re number one/When it was just a fling before now, you’re the one”
In For The Kill - La Roux*
“We can fight our desires/but when we start making fires/We get ever so hot/whether we like it or not/They say we can love who we trust/but what is love without lust?/I’m going in for the kill/I’m doing it for a thrill/Oh I’m hoping you’ll understand/And not let go of my hand”
Battlefield - Jordin Sparks
” I never meant to start a war/You know I never wanna hurt you/Don’t even know what we’re fighting for/Why does ___ always feel like a battlefield?/Girl you better go get your armour”
Psycho Bitch - Lesley Roy
“Is it fair to say you played me for a fool/Is it fair to say you used me that’s the truth/You’ve been lying all the time and now I’m mad/You drove me to the vodka shots I’m knocking back”
Taking Back My Love - Enrique & Ciara*
“I’ve given you too much but I’m takin’ back my ____”
Kick Myself - The Weekend
“I’m heading straight into disaster/We all know what he is after…”

August
Grew close to someone I was out of contact with; grew strong feelings for him and made some very impulsive/drunken mistakes which worked somehow; became a more vulnerable person; realised the guy I liked before was back for the summer without telling me, went apeshit at him on the phone and told him I wanted him out of my life; spent a week doing intensive driving which made me very miserable.
Sweet Dreams - Beyonce*
“My guilty pleasure I ain’t going no where /Baby long as you’re here /I’ll be floating on air cause you’re my /You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare/Either way I, don’t wanna wake up from you “
Fire Burning - Sean Kingston*
“She’s fire burning, fire burning on the dance floor..”
New In Town - Little Boots*
“So don’t rely on people you meet/Cause no-one is safe in these streets/I’m gonna take you out tonight/I’m gonna make you feel alright/I don’t have a lot of money but we’ll be fine/No, I don’t have a penny but I’ll show you a good time”
Feel It In My Bones (feat. Tegan and Sara) - Tiesto*
“Blow by blow, I didn’t see it coming/Blow by blow, sucker punch/What rushes into my heart and my skull/I feel you in my bones/and now skull feels pressure/You are here to stay/I take my heart out of my chest/I just don’t need it anymore/Take my head out of the game/I just don’t need it anymore”
Speak Up - Kristinia DeBarge
“Some days I feel it then I feel it’s over/Some days were hotter then some days were colder/When you open up, our ____ is alive/But now you’re quiet and I’m dying inside”
No Surprise - Daughtry
“It’s no surprise I won’t be here tomorrow/I can’t believe that I stayed till today/Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow/But I know in time we’ll find this was no surprise”

September
Settled back into college; got a call from the guy who asked to meet up with him, decided to and realised it felt wrong and guilty about it, realising I really had strong feelings for someone else; then things with the latter fell apart and I was pretty shattered.

Please Don’t Leave Me - P!nk*
“I don’t know if I can yell any louder/How many time have I kicked you outta here?/Or said something insulting?/I can be so mean when I wanna be/I am capable of really anything/I can cut you into pieces/But my heart is broken”
Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say) - Lady GaGa
“There’s nothing else I can say/I wish you never looked at me that way…”
We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed - Los Campesinos!
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder/Fondness makes the absence longer/Length loses my interest, I’m a realist, I’m insatiable/Swapped counting days until I fly, with hours before your reply”
I Hate This Part - Pussycat Dolls
“The world slows down/But my heart beats fast right now/I know this is the part/Where the end starts…”
Umbrella - Rihanna
“When the sun shines, we’ll shine together/Told you I’ll be here forever/Said I’ll always be your friend/Took an oath, I’m a stick it out ’till the end”

October, November
Was failing all my subjects; hit a new low in terms of confidence and life; had serious confusion about my sexuality; confided in a friend who I later fell for, we nearly hooked up until he realised “he really cared about me”; I was a vulnerable and miserable crying wreck; fell out with a close friend after he told classmates and my teachers private things, and haven’t said anything to him since; two of the worst months of life.

The Sea is A Good Place To Think About The Future - Los Campesinos!*
“You talk about your politics and wonder if you could be one of them/But you could never kiss a Tory boy without wanting to cut off your tongue again”
Hell - Tegan and Sara
“I know you feel it, too/These words get overused/When we get up and over it and over them/Up and over it and over them”
On Directing - Tegan and Sara
“Go steady with me/I know it turns you off when I/I get talking like a teen”
Bottom of The Ocean - Miley Cyrus
“I draw a map,connect the dots/with all the memories that I got/what I’m missing/I’ll keep reliving…”
Chemistry of A Car Crash - Shiny To Guns*
“You’re waking up/a part of me I’ve never known/Just take away the words I say/cause I know
that you don’t feel the same/Just go and say what’s in your head/and I won’t try to stop you”

December
Realised I wasn’t failing college; made a lot of new friends; had my first lesbian encounter…or five; he called me again, apologised for how he treated me and I believed him; realised he had fed me a bunch of lies and now planning never to speak to him again; realised the guy I currently like is bordering on going out with “the wrong girl”; minus that a happy month.

Cry Me Out - Pixie Lott*
“What’s in the heart is not in your head anyway../Mate  you’re too late and your weren’t worth the wait now, were you?/It’s out of my hands/Since you blew your last chance when you played me/You’ll have to cry me out/ the tears that’ll fall/Mean nothing at all/It’s time to get over yourself/When I found out/How you messed me about/I was broken (heartbroken)/Back then I believed you/Now, I don’t need you no more/The pic on your phone/Proves you weren’t alone/She was with you…/”

Yay! If writing this has taught me one thing, it’s that one boy who I’ve seen/spoken to for approximately five out of eight thousand seven-hundred and sixty hours can have such an impact on my year.

So considering reading has been my solitude for a while (influenced by a few incredible people who continue to inspire me day in day out)  and I’m generally trying to get my predicted grades this year I’ve been doing a fair amount of reading. I rarely read books in their entirety, I usually dip in and dip out, particularly with exams coming up I like to surround myself with only “relevant” information. I’m a nightmare for my English Literature teacher. The below is post-summer 2009.

Books I Have Read in Their Entirety

A Streetcar Named Desire, Williams.
I probably should read more “modern” plays considering the last three I’ve read have all effected me in some way, the other two being the “socialist” An Inspector Calls by Priestly and the “feminist” A Doll’s House by Ibsen - I’ll confess I’m generalising horribly. I grew an emotional attachment to Blanche DuBois through her distortion of truth, erratic and unsettling personality and her manipulation of sexuality. She could be very empowering in specific parts, but I curse Williams for how he ended it. The 1951 film adaptation is breathtaking but loses so much of the subtle symbolism and sensuality that is littered in the screenplay.

US Government & Politics 2008 Election, Bennett
I freely admit to not paying enough attention to the election last year, but I knew the world would be doomed if Hillary Clinton won the Democratic nomination and even more doomed if Sarah Palin became the veep. Politics is one of my least entertaining syllabuses (although I’m glad to be shot of British Politics which I swear was the bane of my life) but I am such a theorist at heart and I find psephology fascinating. It was an enjoyable read and really got me to grips with primary/election processes and who won what and why without drowning me in statistics.

Books I am Currently Reading (And May or May Not Complete)

The Undercover Economist, Harford
I am ashamed to say I’ve never read this book in it’s entirety despite saying that if I became a millionaire, I would buy a copy for this book to as many people as I could. I first started reading it when I was fifteen or so and it’s just magical - it genuinely changes the way you think. The first few chapters are pretty much “AS Economics for Dummies” and I’ve read these more times than I can count but I’ve yet to read the final few chapters (which is even more shameful as one of them is on globalisation!) Anyway, I will finish this book eventually and probably read it as many times as I need to memorise the whole thing word for word.

The Logic of Life, Harford
I need to buy this book before I can finish it, but I’ve read the first chapter and it was one of the most entertaining chapters of any book I’ve ever read. I won’t spoil you by telling you what it is about, but I think if you are bothering to read this you should seriously consider going to a book shop picking it up (in the economics/business section of course) and reading the first chapter. I bet you won’t be able to put it down, and I bet you’ll want to tell someone what you’ve just read. The accompanying commentary from Tim at the LSE is worth listening to as well.

The Globalisation of World Politics, Baylis, Smith and Owens.
It’s looking increasingly likely I’m going to undertake an International Relations degree next year and I bought this mammoth of a textbook from the Borders sale in Bristol (where my friend, who is actually male, managed to spend twice as much as me). It’s big with tiny writing, so I’ve only just got through the introduction outlining the theories of IR and globalisation but I’m genuinely enthused by it. I don’t plan start thoroughly reading it until after exams in June but it’s far more interesting then anything I’m “meant” to be reading so it’ll be probably get finished well before.

What Does China Think, Leonard.
Leonard’s “Why Europe Will Run the 21st Century” is one of the reasons I’m choosing to study IR and he really crammed a lot into such a short book. Though I’m not too far into the current book, I’ll admit it’s not gripping me quite as much as the Europe one did, but it’s probably because I’m not as fluent in Chinese politics as I should be. I’ve always been interested in it (my heritage dictates it) but I plan to brief myself on the basics before I delve into this book again.

A World’s Wife, Duffy,
Carol Ann Duffy at GCSE level was a bore, but that’s because her best poetry is too risque for most teenagers. Alas, A World’s Wife is near enough “feminism in a bottle.” Mrs Icarus is my favourite so far, but short, sweet poems are always the most enjoyable I find. Frau Freud is hilarious (best line “I’m as au fait with Hunt-the-Salami as Ms. M Lewinsky”) and The Devil’s Wife was simultaneously chilling and brilliant.

Rebecca, Du Maurier.
I haven’t read a decent novel in about three years (as I found Wuthering Heights and Master Georgie shit). I started Rebecca and found it brilliant, but only got through a quarter of it before the rest of my schoolwork caught up to me. I now know how it ends, and have analysed the techniques (in a purely “English Lit” way) and it’s remarkable so hopefully I will get round to reading it.

Poetry of W.B Yeats
Yeats is amazing. I’ve read the Byzantium poems, The Wild Swans at Coole and He Wishes at the Cloths of Heaven. The last two I read whilst listening to a Mogwai album and it felt like a moment of perfection. Beautiful poetry + beautiful music. “Tread softly because you tread on my dreams” is probably going to be inked somewhere inconspicuous on my body.

I think that’s it, apart from really dull Business Economics/US Politics textbooks that are going to help me pass my exams. Knowledge is fun but I really need to read more.