Back in college. It’s actually pretty good, surrounded by amazing people. My friends are all so different, yet we all have connections. They’re truly the best people I’ve ever met in my life. Looking back though, and the fact summer’s gone, I’m disappointed. I didn’t really have the summer I was hoping for, I first thought it would be excitement and energy and it just turned out to be…normal. I don’t really do normal. I just know that in a year’s time, I’m not really going to remember very much of it which I find quite sad. Maybe that’s why I crave drama, because at the end of the day, it’s a pinpoint of a memory. Without it, life doesn’t seem very exciting when you look back on it.

That being said, I’m thankful for what I have right now. I have a lot on my plate at the minute: uni applications, revision/reading…my friend said that college has become my hobby. She’s right. I feel like I always have one thing to focus my energy on…and now it’s college. Exciting? Fuck off.

I feel like I’m fourteen again, it’s pathetic. I don’t remember being this disconnected since then. The days I used to write pathetic poetry, cut up my old clothes, make kitsch jewellery and sing my way out of sorrow. Maybe I need to start being vain and superficial again. Stop listening to heavily produced beats of ‘artificial happiness.’

I miss having a purpose to wake up every single day, for someone I love. I miss the fact I used to believe strongly in karma and some kind of a God which inspired me to be better and that there was beauty in everybody’s soul. Somewhere in the last few years, I began chasing the life I always wanted. The girl that could turn heads of guys in the street. The girl you’d want to be for just one day. The girl who wore labels from head to toe. The girl who lived life on the edge and everybody knew it.

I’m just a bunch of simplistic statements really. What people think of me really does matter. I chase the life I love. The people who I live for are genuine, beautiful people. I don’t think could ever not be vain. I walk around knowing I’m catching stranger’s eyes. I have my values that I’d never break for anybody. I love designer labels. I do not think before I speak. I overcontemplate and overcomplicate. I act differently depending on my company. I love attention.

I wouldn’t like me if I met me.

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