I’m having one of those weeks, I think. One of those deep analytical ones, where you judge every decision you make. I’m an impulsive person. I don’t think things through when I do them until the consequences (which are more of than not, bad) hit me in the face. I live in pity for a duration of time: hours, days, sometimes weeks. One powerpop song after another. And then I’m back to normal again.

I spent a week in Wiltshire doing intensive driving.  I was in the verge of a nervous breakdown, my conscious was slowly crumbling. I couldn’t think because I was so stressed. I’m so glad I’m home. They call it ‘intense’ for a reason. I’m trying to release a bit of myself in my blog, I used to be able to “pen my thoughts to paper and let the ink drain from my brain.” Now I just use my blog as a summary of the things I’ve done. I don’t really tap into my emotions anymore, because it makes me feel negative, and I hate feeling that way. I like to release positive energies and thoughts. Maybe it’s a façade? I think at the end of the day, if I’ve made someone smile, I can’t ask for anything more than that. I don’t live for myself, I live for the people who make my life special. And in turn, that makes me happy inside. I can wallow on self-pity occasionally. But I try and never let that bring anyone else down. If I’m having a bad spell, I don’t want to let anyone else into that. I lock myself in my bedroom with my isolating headphones and deal with it.

Well, that was undeniably pointless. I’ll probably private this post in a few days.

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