I actually wish someone would record half the things I say. As much trouble as it gets me into with the lack of a brain’s involvement in my speech - it makes great entertainment. Jenny has been collecting quotes from people for a while which reminded me how ‘hilarious’ I can be.

(In roughly chronological order)

“Does sex have a smell?” - someone claimed that they could smell sex, while we watching a film in English. The film was practically pornographic as well, graphic sex scene followed by a very bloody woman giving birth. Oh and for the record, the response to my question was “semen.”

“My iPod is broken, all it can do is play music.” - I’m sorry, but that was the truth. When I saw this quote, I assumed someone else said it. But then I remember the time when my iPod Touch was stuck on music mode and I couldn’t access anything else. Anyway, I don’t think this is remotely funny, because I wasn’t even trying to be.

“It’s the bird of doom!” - It was a paraphrase of the poem ‘The Darkling Thrush’ by Thomas Hardy. You can tell why English is my weakest subject.

“I’m tapping into my inner Tory!” - Probably the most shameful quote ever, I don’t actually remember saying this but it’s likely I said it when brainstorming essay plans during a revising for my politics exam. Don’t say you don’t have an inner Tory too.

There’s a few other which really don’t make sense, a few others that I really like that aren’t quite recorded:

“We can’t have them all sponging off the dole!” - said in a heavily Bristolian accent to my politics class, I was in Tory-mode clearly.

“If you’re a homophobe, we shoot you. If you’re racist or BNP we’ll shoot you. Let’s shoot all the fascists too. I’m leader of the clan. If I get killed, Alex takes over. If Alex gets killed, Jenna takes over. If Jenna gets killed…then we’re screwed.” - Alex and I are really trying to outline are own political philosophy. I really need to record more of Alex’s quotes, he’s far too funny.

I think I should consult more people than Jenny when trying to compile funny things I say. I really am funny, I promise you.

Back in college. It’s actually pretty good, surrounded by amazing people. My friends are all so different, yet we all have connections. They’re truly the best people I’ve ever met in my life. Looking back though, and the fact summer’s gone, I’m disappointed. I didn’t really have the summer I was hoping for, I first thought it would be excitement and energy and it just turned out to be…normal. I don’t really do normal. I just know that in a year’s time, I’m not really going to remember very much of it which I find quite sad. Maybe that’s why I crave drama, because at the end of the day, it’s a pinpoint of a memory. Without it, life doesn’t seem very exciting when you look back on it.

That being said, I’m thankful for what I have right now. I have a lot on my plate at the minute: uni applications, revision/reading…my friend said that college has become my hobby. She’s right. I feel like I always have one thing to focus my energy on…and now it’s college. Exciting? Fuck off.

I feel like I’m fourteen again, it’s pathetic. I don’t remember being this disconnected since then. The days I used to write pathetic poetry, cut up my old clothes, make kitsch jewellery and sing my way out of sorrow. Maybe I need to start being vain and superficial again. Stop listening to heavily produced beats of ‘artificial happiness.’

I miss having a purpose to wake up every single day, for someone I love. I miss the fact I used to believe strongly in karma and some kind of a God which inspired me to be better and that there was beauty in everybody’s soul. Somewhere in the last few years, I began chasing the life I always wanted. The girl that could turn heads of guys in the street. The girl you’d want to be for just one day. The girl who wore labels from head to toe. The girl who lived life on the edge and everybody knew it.

I’m just a bunch of simplistic statements really. What people think of me really does matter. I chase the life I love. The people who I live for are genuine, beautiful people. I don’t think could ever not be vain. I walk around knowing I’m catching stranger’s eyes. I have my values that I’d never break for anybody. I love designer labels. I do not think before I speak. I overcontemplate and overcomplicate. I act differently depending on my company. I love attention.

I wouldn’t like me if I met me.

I’m having one of those weeks, I think. One of those deep analytical ones, where you judge every decision you make. I’m an impulsive person. I don’t think things through when I do them until the consequences (which are more of than not, bad) hit me in the face. I live in pity for a duration of time: hours, days, sometimes weeks. One powerpop song after another. And then I’m back to normal again.

I spent a week in Wiltshire doing intensive driving.  I was in the verge of a nervous breakdown, my conscious was slowly crumbling. I couldn’t think because I was so stressed. I’m so glad I’m home. They call it ‘intense’ for a reason. I’m trying to release a bit of myself in my blog, I used to be able to “pen my thoughts to paper and let the ink drain from my brain.” Now I just use my blog as a summary of the things I’ve done. I don’t really tap into my emotions anymore, because it makes me feel negative, and I hate feeling that way. I like to release positive energies and thoughts. Maybe it’s a façade? I think at the end of the day, if I’ve made someone smile, I can’t ask for anything more than that. I don’t live for myself, I live for the people who make my life special. And in turn, that makes me happy inside. I can wallow on self-pity occasionally. But I try and never let that bring anyone else down. If I’m having a bad spell, I don’t want to let anyone else into that. I lock myself in my bedroom with my isolating headphones and deal with it.

Well, that was undeniably pointless. I’ll probably private this post in a few days.